Allow
Monkey chatter.
Holding your breath.
Pride and ego.
Fear.
All of which have been culprits at some point in time and revisit at will…
and derail connection…
and sabotage groundedness…
and isolate.
If I were to narrow the list down, it would come down to fear.
If I were to name one solution, it would be breath.
The thoughts that distract me and monkey chatter that rattles ‘upstairs’ are often inspired by fear: fear of rejection, judgment, worthiness and worry to name a few. The closer I am to the people involved, the more susceptible I am to the thoughts that derail me. What I often have to remind myself is that I am the only person who has to be ok with what I say or do. If it feels connected in my heart, then I can find peace in my words or actions. I have to be more “ok” than anybody else with what I say or do. I am the only one who lives with me. I am the only one who hears the thoughts. I am the only one who knows the degree of wrestling that takes place within. I am the only one who knows what is in my heart. Me. Only me. There is a necessary degree of separation. I need to be more concerned with whether or not my words or actions reject who I am or what I stand for, not whether or not someone else disagrees. I need to be concerned with how I see what I said or did, not about how somebody else perceived it. I have to be ok with me beyond all else. Although I find it frustrating when someone’s belief about me is untrue, they, too, are entitled to believe what they believe. The most important thing is for me to believe my truth. When I choose me, the thoughts quiet and peace prevails.
The more immersed I am in fear-based thoughts, the more my breath is affected. It becomes more shallow or I don’t feel that I can take in a deep breath. Everything becomes stale and rigid. Even my ability to think clearly is affected when I’m not breathing fully. I also don’t listen as well because the words feel like they are randomly flying at me instead of being spoken in articulate sentences. I can usually get a pulse on how present I am when I check in with my breath. It invites a state of connection and awareness that helps to keep things fluid.
Pride is an interesting player. There can be a personal sense of pride in accomplishing something challenging, but more often than not, pride is associated with conceit, egotism or vanity. In my opinion, pride can be dangerous. It can lead to lies, aggression and other inappropriate behavior to defend one’s pride. There is a skewed sense of entitlement that is connected to pride. It supports separateness and superiority. My experience has shown that excessive pride prevents humility, openness, acceptance and vulnerability with others, especially in relationship. It can damage trust and fluid connection. As with any other emotion, there are varying degrees of pride which then affect the degree of impact on others. Regardless, allowing pride to come and go brings more honesty.
Fear. I’m developing a tolerance for fear when it shows up in my world. I used to totally resist it. It didn’t work. Someday I may even be grateful for fear since it usually does nudge (or shove!) me through some necessary resistance that prevents growth. I have to remember to keep my focus on me and my response to fear because that is the only way I can shift the energy around it. I can’t control how other people respond to fear. I don’t have a say in how people choose to use fear as a silent justification for their actions. I can’t make somebody else interact with me in a non-fear-based place. All I can do is make conscious choices around fear myself. The more I can become “friends” with fear, the more I can be grounded in love…Divine Love and self-love.
We have been created with free will.
We all have the power to choose…but only for ourselves.