What in the World
Your work is to discover your world
And then with all your heart
Give yourself to it.
~Buddha
I love the poetic nature of these words. I am inspired by the message of these words. And I can be overwhelmed with the magnitude of these words. I can affirm, with every fiber of my being, that I have discovered my world. The journey is contained in “with all your heart, give yourself to it”. Full immersion with courage, vulnerability and honesty is required to walk the walk. This commitment means being present to the healing needed at the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels of our being.
The physical aspect of the healing can be quite intense. I am deeply experiencing the release of long held energy in my body. The pain seems to intensify as it nears the release. I’ll be honest…I’m not a huge fan of the pain. I can find the gentleness to accept and be present with the pain because of understanding what is going on, but it’s not always pretty. I take the time to understand where the pain is and explore what is behind it at a deeper level. Through my training and work with the energy holding patterns within the body, I have more information to guide my process. I see where my growth challenges are and understand how it is manifested in my physical body. Being present in my physical body is a huge aspect of healing. As I have been told, we become spiritual by becoming more deeply human.
The mental aspect has a lot to do with paying attention to thoughts-judgments, beliefs, the play-by-play commentary. This area was pivotal when my first marriage ended and I really began to explore a deeper level of healing. Although where I am now is completely different than eleven years ago, I still have to pay attention to what runs through my head. When I find myself making mental judgments or snarky comments, that’s my invitation to look within and see what’s coming up for me. It’s usually bringing up some of those shadows that need more light offered to them so they can be brought into balance. I’m finding that this area can be especially humbling and requires gentle honesty. I’ve never regretted stepping into this healing, though. The freedom and liberation are worth the effort.
The energy holding pattern that I most strongly associate with is one that characteristically wants to avoid feelings, conflict, and anger, gets anxious in social settings and experiences intense fears and anxieties. Although the area of actually feeling my feelings has shifted and grown, it takes a tremendous amount of courage to find my voice. I struggle to express feelings to another person. I avoid eye contact and will leave the room as quickly as possible (if it’s an option!). My hands will shake, my stomach gets in knots and my mental focus goes out the window. I have stepped into the emotional healing primarily through journaling, meditation and prayer. Voicing my feelings is a work in progress. I still experience the vacillation between whether or not I “should” have said anything in the first place, knowing full well that speaking my truth is most definitely of value, regardless of how it is received.
Generally speaking, the spiritual aspect of my being is the area I feel the “safest”. I feel completely at home. I feel comfortable, supported, deeply loved and deeply connected. It’s not to say that I don’t have healing to do around aspects of my spirituality, but it feels really safe to explore, question, doubt, be vulnerable and exist as I am. This is why the nugget of becoming spiritual as a result of becoming more deeply human is so powerful for me. My safety in this aspect of my being is what supports the healing of the physical, mental and emotional aspects. My spirituality is the foundational support of my existence. Now I need to bring the fullness of me into balance. Gently loving and supporting myself to give my heart to my work…my purpose.