Let's face it, we all get in our own way. We are the ones that create the roadblocks and stories that keep us on the proverbial hamster wheel. We keep chasing and chasing, waiting for someone or something to make it different. Well, the person you are waiting for has been with you all along...YOU!
It's easy to create the excuses that keep us stuck. I have found that one of the best ways I keep myself running in circles is due to lack of clarity. I know I don't want what I am experiencing but I don't always have a clear picture of what I do want. I'll keep myself really busy chasing the answer instead of slowing down and focusing my thoughts. I am also aware that there are regular 'traps' that I fall into, and I would gather you do, too.
Here's a payoff for everyone. The reason we hang onto self-defeating behaviors is because it's easier not to take responsibility.
Mental Monkey Chatter
Sometimes I refer to the monkey chatter as the 'crazies', those stories that play on repeat that don't really make any sense at all. Yet they can be heard over and over. There are the stories of judgment, not being good enough or not being worthy but who is the author of those stories? Who is the one who gets to make that determination? Whose standard are we being held to? Better yet, where is that person hiding out in our day to day? Who even monitors us? We do. We set the expectation. We make the determination. We drive ourselves crazy with reaching the standard of perfection. What if we start to accept that being present and responsive is enough? What if putting in our best effort was enough, accepting that our best is going to shift from day to day and moment to moment? Can you create enough space to allow that to be true?
Ignoring Your Feelings
Another way to get stuck on the hamster wheel is to pretend that everything is ok. Just suck it up, get over it, and carry on. There are definitely situations that warrant biting your tongue in the moment, but that doesn't mean you don't check in later. If an exchange or an event triggered some irritation or anger within, it is well worth taking the time to understand what is behind it. Ignoring your feelings is the same as ignoring what makes you who you are, diminishing your experiences and beliefs. And a breaking point always comes...with the unknown of what it will look like and when or where it will happen. That feels a little scarier to me than leaning in and allowing the feelings to be felt in the first place. What is your habitual response to emotions and feelings that arise?
Blaming others is a sure-fire way to give away your personal power. It may feel easier simply because you side step looking at yourself and taking responsibility for your actions and choices. In the long run, blaming holds you as a victim and powerless in your own life. There are always a minimum of two choices in any situation. You always have a choice. It's not always easy to step back and take responsibility for your role, which is not the same as condoning the behavior or words of the other person. It helps shift your perspective and open you to different possibilities.
I tend to refer to overthinking as mental paralysis. The scenario and all of its options gets twisted and mangled in so many different ways that you lose track of what it was that started the avalanche in the first place. The scenario becomes larger than life, the consequences become unbearable and the walls around you feel like they're caving in. You can talk yourself out of just about anything by overthinking. Overthinking gives a false sense of missing out on failure. "I won't make a mistake or make someone mad." Life is a playground. You fall down, get back up, laugh it off and keep on playing.
One of the most effective ways to overcome the self-defeating habits is to accept who you are. Every single element of what helped inform who you are today is important and worthy of accepting. Even the parts that you're not so proud of are worth loving. All of you. Always. Every day.
Ann Ruane, Certified Energy and Crystal Healer
Helping you shift perceptions, inspire curiosity and guide transformation from the inside out.