Joy

 

Here’s another message that I would benefit from being told on a daily basis. Oh, how we can get ourselves so tangled in our stories, limiting beliefs, and rules! “I can’t be too excited or people will think I’m gloating.” “I can’t dance around my house because my family will think I’m nuts.” “I can’t enjoy the good news because something bad is bound to happen to keep me in my place.” How many times do you catch yourself saying some version of these sentences, preventing you from feeling joyful?

 

I recently had an eye opening experience with my master teacher. Through our time together, a question around what activity did I experience the most joy as a child came up. As I ventured within, I saw that I prevented myself from fully engaging in activities. I realized that my overwhelming tendency was to always keep an ear open to the activity around me so no one would see me being completely rapt in what I was doing. As I heard someone come near, even if they were only passing down the hallway, I would shift and wait for them to pass. As I got a little older and started piano lessons, I was most engaged and in the flow when nobody else was listening. As soon as I was aware of someone else’s presence, I would get more easily frustrated and ashamed of my mistakes. I always loved to sing and as soon as I became aware of someone else paying attention (mostly due to a comment), I pulled back. In the general scope of the family, I made sure to blend in and not stand out as consistently as possible.

 

It has been really interesting to sit with this awareness and allow all of the dots to connect along the way. As I became more aware of who I am, I learned that I am a sensitive…I am keenly aware of the emotions and energy of other people, easily overwhelmed by too much of either as well as when things move really quickly and I don’t have time to process or allow things to settle. And this is merely skimming the surface. I see how easy it is for me to temper my energy based on where everyone else is. My default response is to be accommodating to the energy of others rather than embracing the fullness of my own energy. There is an element of this that I have always known, but the fullness of it is quite remarkable to me.

 

I have very intentionally been choosing me.

 

I reflect on my growth as a pianist, especially since the onset of the Lyric Aura Concert Series, and can see how I continually embrace the vulnerability of being seen as the pianist I am. I still have room for growth, but it is exciting to notice that I am getting out of my way and allowing my talent to be seen, heard and experienced.

 

As a healing coach and intuitive energy/crystal healer, I am open and present in the sessions. My challenge comes in embracing the fullness of this gift outside of the sessions and being seen in my space of openness. It’s not about boasting or forcing my ideas, beliefs or whatever onto others but about keeping my heart open. It’s about allowing me to fully be open to the experience of life without getting trapped by stories, limiting beliefs and rules. It’s about embracing the experiences I have without letting them be dampened by someone else. I can remain compassionate without having to cover up.

 

Fear doesn’t have to be a security blanket.

 

As I have said before, joy isn’t necessarily about elation and happiness. Joy is about connection to Self. Joy is fully embracing my daily life experience without trying to stuff it away, pretending it didn’t happen or being embarrassed.

 

It really does feel like fireworks inside when my heart is open and I am experiencing connection…JOY.