Truth

“Fear is a natural reaction of

moving closer to truth.”

~Pema Chödrön

 

 

Yet again, this is a much needed reminder that fear is not something that needs to be resisted with every ounce of my being. Along with my acronym of fear (fully embracing authentic reality), this quote is the love nudge that fear is a teacher. There will come a point in time where stepping into fear will be easier than it is…there simply has to be.

 

The fear resistance leads to all sorts of tension and holding within my body. It is incredibly uncomfortable and annoying…which of course then leads to a space of anger for not leaning into the fear and learning from it. Such a cycle! I love that I can name it and would love it even more if I could stop battling it (fear) and make peace with the transitions it brings. The physical areas of discomfort are the ones that are holding the most emotion and need for release. My head gets it. Now for it to settle into my heart so I can welcome it…

 

The goofiest thing about all of this is the awareness that my fear tends to be more about what it is going to be like to release the knotted up tension. I’m afraid to let go for what it might look like. I’m afraid of what it will reveal. This is so incredibly crazy because it is in direct opposition of my intent. I want to release. I want to reveal the truth behind it. I want to move past the self-imposed limitations. Yet I get stuck. (If only you could see the eye rolling and hear the sighing while writing this!)

 

The deeper the healing goes, the more resistance I put up. Again, this isn’t intentional. I’m being faced with all of the limitations I have either created for myself or chosen to believe at some point in time. The other aspect of this that gets under my skin is that I also tend to resist journaling at these times, knowing full well that journaling is going to make all of the nebulous stuff clear and I’ll have all of the answers I need. So the excuses come…I don’t have time, there’s too much other “stuff” to do, I’ve got a client/student coming in ‘x’ minutes and I have to keep it together…the excuses continue. I do this fun little dance around the issue, stick a toe in (not even able to put the whole leg in like the Hokey Pokey) to test the water, find a reason not to delve in and carry on in a space of odd disjointedness.

 

The other element of this is putting all that I read into practice. I can gobble up all of the books I want, glean incredible insights and know all sorts of information, but the life application of the knowledge is where the gem really is. The art of consciously living what I read and learn is a bit tougher than it would seem. I can sit in meditation and practice, but to have the execution of the skill be the one on auto-dial is another story. It’s easy to make all sorts of excuses as to why NOT to apply the skills in certain situations where there is a heightened trigger, especially in closer relationships. This is one of the messages that came in my inbox today:

 

You know that relationship in your life that is pushing the edges of your comfort zone?

 

Don’t you realize that you’ve called that person into your life to be your spiritual teacher? Even if it’s uncomfortable, I encourage you to lean in, to be a willing student, to face whatever it is your spirit is trying to learn.

~Your Inner Pilot Light (a.k.a Lissa Rankin)

 

Here’s my big a-ha moment with this quote…I have to acknowledge that sometimes the relationship that is pushing the edges of my comfort zone is the one with my Self. That will take a little time to settle into my being. I believe it is also an aspect of my relationship with Spirit. I might as well toss in the relationship with my husband, my friends, my family…there’s an ebb and flow in every relationship in my life that will push the edge of my comfort zone at various points in time. It’s not just about the challenging person.

 

I think I’m onto something here…there is a resistance around moving closer to truth that invites fear around relationships. Moving through the fear into the truth is going to change relationships with others. No doubt about it. This isn’t new information to me, though its meaning is resonating in a much deeper place. Am I ready and able to stand in my truth in those moments and allow for the discomfort within various relationships and face what my spirit is trying to learn? Am I courageous enough? Do I have enough faith in my Self? Do I have enough faith in the relationships to trust in the unfolding?

 

My head says yes.

 

My heart is open and waiting for the courage to settle in…