Trust

Trust is a product of vulnerability that grows over time

and requires work, attention, and full engagement.

~Brené Brown

 

 

I find it very interesting how the concept of trust is so much easier than the actuality of it. Vulnerability has a lot to do with that. It’s really easy to say to someone, “Trust me” and genuinely mean it. However, it’s not always so easy to step into that from the receiving end. The desire to trust is there, but to fully live in the space of trust is a completely different journey.

 

Take it from a spiritual place…I often hear people say that they trust in God (or however you choose to frame it: All That Is, Universal Energy, Spirit, Divine, Allah, etc.) to take care of them, or to solve any problems or whatever else the case may be. I love that concept. Really, I do. The reality of that concept, though, is the vulnerability of surrender AND to trust in the guidance offered to understand my role. In my experience, trusting in God doesn’t mean that I sit on my couch and wait for everything to fall into my lap or for all struggles to magically disappear. Trusting involves surrender, which has to do with letting go of my expectation of what the outcome should be and being present in the unfolding of the situation and discerning what steps I need to actively take. Trust is not an idle concept. Trust is active participation in being present.

 

The same idea is present in relationships, whether it is an intimate relationship with a spouse/partner, a friendship, or a relationship with family members. Trust not only requires work, attention and full engagement, it also requires forgiveness. If someone ‘wrongs’ me and I hold it against them, vowing to never trust them again, I am living in a space of fear. It doesn’t mean that I throw all discernment and lessons learned out the window, but it does mean that I need to forgive the wrong and start fresh. The lessons I learned are still valuable and part of my knowing, but it doesn’t mean I close myself off to the possibility of seeing the value of another person. I still have the ability to be open and allow the other person to be who they are. My one experience doesn’t forever condemn the individual. There is a divine lesson in patience here, too. The act of true forgiveness takes time, as does the rebuilding of trust. Moment by moment, step by step, day by day…that’s how trust is built. Part of the work involved in trust is connected to the self-reflection of whether or not I am creating an environment that allows for the building of trust. Am I honoring the needs of the other person? Am I respectful of the other person and what they are sharing with me? Am I willing to allow them to be who they are without scrutinizing or condemning? Am I fully present with them or is my mind somewhere else? It is difficult to build trust with another person if I, myself, am not actively engaged in creating the bond and connection.

 

Another layer of trust comes down to whether or not I truly trust me. Do I trust myself enough to go against the ‘norm’ and be who I am? Do I trust that I have the right to ask for what I need? Do I trust that I have the courage to speak my truth? Do I trust that I have what it takes to fulfill my dreams? Part of the attention and full engagement needed to foster trusting myself requires me to pay attention to my physical body. My body always gives me signals…if I choose to pay attention. The signals can range from stomach distress, clenching of various muscles, sweating, ‘butterflies’ or an inability to sit still. Do I trust myself enough to pay attention to what my body is saying? Am I respecting my relationship with my body and honoring what it is trying to tell me?

 

I certainly have made some less than healthy choices in my lifetime. I have been faced with the option to forgive myself for those choices and integrate the lessons or to continually not trust myself to do what is best for me. Put it this way, if I didn’t choose to continually foster the vulnerability of trust in all areas of my life, I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this blog and being deeply fulfilled in all areas of my life and work.