Transitions

 

Every burden bears a gift,

every challenge brings a treasure,

and every setback hides a blessing.

~The Universe

(a.k.a. Mike Dooley)

 

 

Transitions are tough. I continually like to believe that I get better at them over time, but I don’t. They’re uncomfortable. I feel disoriented and disconnected. I am less patient and increasingly frustrated with the continuous ailing of my physical body. And to top off the ever so pleasant experience, I feel like I’m being talked over by everyone and nobody hears a word that I’m saying. My journey has shown me that, yes, there is a gift, treasure and blessing that occurs because of the transition. I also know that I will make it through the transition, but the arduous trek sometimes seems incredibly daunting.

 

The struggle with transitions I am referring to are connected to my personal and spiritual growth. The deep healing that takes place brings up uncomfortable, long-held emotions. I remind myself that emotions are energy in motion and, therefore, need to keep moving and be released. However, that is often much easier said than done.

 

I don’t particularly like to feel angry, especially if it is connected to people or events that are important to me. I want to be able to dismiss those feelings, put on my cloak of compassion, and allow it all to keep flowing. It really is a wonderful thought…

 

At times like this, I am reminded of past work around anger and the acronym I came up for it to invite me to step into it:

 

Another

New

Growth

Experience

Revealed

 

Anger, in and of itself, has such a negative connotation. The perceived ‘picture’ of anger is a raging, seething, uncontrollable person. There are extremes to every emotion. It is easier and “nicer” to say that I’m frustrated, upset, bothered or annoyed. True. But if I want to really get to the heart of what is going on, I need to accept the depth of what I’m feeling. I’m certainly not at the out of control extreme of anger, but there is a lot going on that I need to pay attention to.

 

My sense of spirituality has never been “housed” in institutionalized religion. I was raised Catholic and still claim my Catholic roots, playing for Mass, etc. But I’m angry. I don’t like the fact that my experiences keep coming around to how to get more people, how big of a “production” we can put on instead of how we can deepen the community prayer experience and how we can create a sacred space of vulnerability to share in communion with each other. This anger extends into the greater whole of our community and country. How did we lose sight of the intimacy of connection? When did work become more important than people? When did ‘stuff’ take priority?

 

I am angry that our culture has turned into a place of “I know best” and doesn’t really carry an interest in what other people know, what their beliefs might offer us, what their experiences may teach us and how interconnected we are. I am angry that fear gets in the way.

 

I’m expressing this as a bigger picture for starters because it is easier for me to access at this point. This trickles down into all relationships. The fear of not knowing overshadows the willingness to connect. The fear of being wrong dictates the willingness to be vulnerable. The fear of pain prevents the immersion of love. The fear of rejection over honest connection to the true inner Self.

 

As always, this comes home to me and deep self-reflection inwardly. I need to honestly look at how I am creating all of the things that I am noticing around me. I’ve been holding this anger because I like to believe that I can create change. Hanging onto it is really not helpful…at all. I don’t want to be angry at people for making choices that seem right to them. That’s not fair and it’s counterintuitive to what I believe. I also have to honor that I need to hear me even MORE than I need others to hear me. It’s my choice whether or not I hang onto the anger and hurt of the past (and present) and suffer or take the plunge inward to learn from the anger and see what I need to release so I can make it through this transition. I’m definitely being nudged into the plunge…

 

There’s plenty more around all of this as part of the current transition. I am afraid.  And behind the fear is sadness. I feel lost…and alone. It takes courage. It takes vulnerability. It takes surrender. It takes heart. The gift will come. The treasure will come. The blessing will come. They always do. Always.