Like a tree, our growth depends upon our ability to

soften, loosen and shed

boundaries and defenses we no longer need.

~Madisyn Taylor

I wonder if trees feel as immensely uncomfortable softening, loosening and shedding as I do. If so, I have a whole new respect for trees and their process. I have always admired trees and the deep spiritual connection they represent. They are deeply enmeshed in Mother Earth, receiving support, nutrients and a place to expand while reaching to Father Sky, dancing in the wind, bravely being flexible through storms and allowing the light and air to nourish them. I wonder what it is like to shed bark, branches, limbs and anything else that naturally takes place for them. It certainly is easier to ponder that than sit with the discomfort within me at this point.

 

I do need to start with the gratitude of knowing that the presence of self-judgment and discomfort are connected to my personal and spiritual growth. It’s the act of sitting with it and allowing it to move through me that requires the real courage and vulnerability. There are multiple areas of growth going on (which seems to be the new ‘normal’ for me!) and the shedding is now upon me. Some of it is ready to go and some of it needs a bit more attention and light before it is on its way.

 

What I find incredibly challenging in these moments is how everything feels unfamiliar, particularly at the physical level. As the energetic boundaries and defenses are healed and released, my body feels…different. In the process of the release, I feel more fatigued, less patient with myself and typically quite judgmental about my physical body. This combination is nothing but a struggle…and not so graceful. However, I am called to remember that it is grace-filled. Sometimes answering that call is more challenging than the actual shift itself!

 

My dreams from last night alone were very revealing, exhausting, and healing. There was deeper healing of long-held emotions surrounding my first marriage, the strong message of letting go of fear to live life more fully engaged and extensive insight on my emotional connection/relationship to God. How’s that for one night of dreams? And one wonders why I’m so tired when I wake up! The current result of those dreams is really being uncomfortable in my own skin. Finding the gentleness to allow for this is a big challenge for me. I know the nugget of knowledge and release will come, as it always does, but the process of getting there requires patience…which is typically something in short supply at this point. Knowing what this process feels like for me is a gift in and of itself. I know I’ll get through it. I know it’s not the end of the world. I know it is a process. I know I have not regressed. But, UGH. Sigh…

 

So as this current growth process unfolds for me, I’m going to keep looking out my window at the trees, admiring their strength, beauty, fortitude, vulnerability and surrender. If they trust in Divine support and handle what comes at them every day, I can do it, too. I can soften, loosen and shed…

Posted in Awareness, Courage, Transformation