Scared

What is your response to feeling scared?

 

I tend to feel constriction in my body and notice my guard going up, bringing on a defensive response to others. It took me quite a while to be able to name the defensive snark that comes along with feeling scared.

 

I will even dare to say that what I am often scared of is my feelings.

 

Yes. Feeling my feelings can bring on a feeling of fear.

 

There are all sorts of fear judgments that can surround any of the situations above: fear of being enough, being rejected, being ridiculed to name just a few. If we dig a little deeper, the fear is feeling the feelings of rejection, ridicule, judgment, etc. We don’t want to feel the pain, sadness, hurt, embarrassment, shame or anger that comes along for the ride.

 

There are many ways out of feeling our feelings. We justify the other person’s behavior, convince ourselves that we overreacted, ignore the feelings and pretend they don’t exist, make the other person’s feelings more important than our own or some other variation of avoidance. The reality lies in knowing that feeling is healing. Greater inner peace is achieved when we give ourselves permission to feel.

 

There can be an entanglement of emotions, too.

 

Those of you who know me, know my dear yellow lab, Wolfgang. He is closing in on 15 years of life and 15 years with me. He has consistently been my everything when I needed anything. Wolfgang has been going through a lot of health challenges lately and I understand that our physical time together may be in short supply. This may also be a bump in the road for him. He’s been on a rollercoaster before, but this just feels different to me. Regardless, there is a whole swirl of emotions going on within me. Every time there is a “new” experience, I’m finding myself wanting to resist what is taking place…and I feel scared…because I lose trust that I will know what he most needs…because I didn’t realize how much strength I gain from his presence…because I don’t know what any of this will look like…because I don’t know if I know how to allow myself to grieve deeply…and I don’t know if that grieving will overwhelm those in my world.

 

This is what I mean about the entanglement. There are so many “ingredients” in this one situation and each one is of value. However, I have given myself a gift in being with this mix.

 

I now have an awareness of what I fear.

 

Being able to name the emotions within this one situation gives me the opportunity to really tune in to what is going on within me. It also gives me the chance to be gentle with myself as well as with those close to me when the fear has been “triggered” and I’m acting defensively.

 

It’s not an excuse.

 

It’s an opportunity.

 

It’s an opportunity to choose love over fear.

 

I can love myself for feeling all of these feelings and give myself permission to lean into them.

 

I can honor the fullness of the love and connection I share with Wolfgang free of embarrassment and shame.

 

There is no shame in feeling…leaning into the richness of love and life.

 

Embrace it.

 

Be present with it.

 

It’s worth the reminder that the deeper you allow yourself to feel pain and sadness, the deeper you will feel love and joy.

 

Avoid shortchanging yourself because it might make someone else uncomfortable. That’s their work…not yours.

 

One last nugget: you only need to swap the “a” and the “c” for scared to become SACRED.