Learning to be Led
Many people feel so pressured by the expectations of others
That it causes them to be frustrated, miserable and confused
about what they should do.
But there is a way to live a simple, joy-filled, peaceful life,
And the key is learning how to be led by the Holy Spirit,
Not the traditions or expectations of man.
~Joyce Meyer
Learning how to be led…joy-filled…peaceful…Spirit…simple…such beautiful words to carry daily, yet remarkably challenging to allow into each moment.
My personal growth work as of late has been bringing out the discomfort of being received for who I am. It’s as though a fairy tale version of me is to be expected at all times in order for people around me to be happy and at peace. I feel like I’m under scrutiny to live by a certain set of rules and expectations. And it’s coming from all directions. I am making choices that don’t fit in the realm of what would be considered ‘normal’ for a situation. People don’t know how to respond to that. I am being told that I need to change who I am to make a situation better because I can be intimidating. I am being ‘passed off’ to other people to support me so they can be free of the fear of saying or doing something ‘wrong’.
It is reminiscent of high school. I was well-known (wouldn’t go as far as being popular) but didn’t fit in. I was a professional chameleon. And I often found myself dealing with my teenage struggles by myself. I didn’t really have anyone to turn to. And if I did share my struggles, I was treated as though I was from a different planet. If I stepped into any emotional realm, I was really avoided. I can certainly admit that my awareness to my state of being wasn’t then and isn’t now on par for what would be considered ‘normal’. Although I am much more adept at tailoring what I say and how I say it, it still isn’t received well. The tricky path I walk now is between closing myself off because I don’t trust others to receive me (the path of fear) and relying on the strength and presence of Spirit to receive me (the path of love). The latter is profound and beautiful, but then I get pouty because I really want a physical being on this earth to ‘get me’.
I don’t understand what this individuation process (stepping fully into who I am deeply within) looks like on the outside. The process is taking place within, but learning how to live within the process while carrying on the day to day with those close to me is awkward at best. There is so much going on within that I want to be able to share but know that it will not make sense to the majority of the people near and dear to me. How do I find balance in that? How do I navigate this unfamiliar territory while honoring me and the people close to me? It ultimately does come down to being led by Spirit.
If I consider the lives of the Ascended Master Teachers (like Jesus, Gautama Buddha, Confuscius, etc.), they all walked their own path without having another human being who really understood them. They had followers, people who wanted to learn from them, but who were also often confused and puzzled by the things being said. They do share one integral piece…they were intimately connected to Spirit/God/Divine/etc. and trusted the guidance received from that connection. They had their struggles, experienced non-believers, were ridiculed and/or persecuted by those who feared them or their beliefs…yet carried on. If the lives of these Masters were guided by Spirit, why would I resist that same Divine Guidance? Why wouldn’t I want to be carried in the support and strength of Spirit?
It’s not that I don’t want to be guided and carried by Spirit, it’s that I’m still working on the art of surrender. I get scared, overwhelmed, or confused and I want somebody to clearly help me understand what is going on…somebody that can look me straight in the eyes and confirm faith in me. I don’t like feeling like the wacko that is “too deep” for anyone to really understand and connect with. But I am who I am. I don’t want to ignore the depth of what stirs in my soul. I want to share it. I want to know it even more intimately. I want to understand what lies within me.
I am still ‘normal’, too. I laugh, make jokes, am playful, sometimes sassy…really a delightful little kaleidoscope, if I do say so myself! My struggle is when I need that soul to soul connection for support and guidance. It is at these times that I need to learn to be led by Spirit…