Discipline

The word discipline comes from the Latin root discipulus, a learner.

Disciple, one who learns from a master teacher, comes from the same root.

If we thought of self-discipline as Self-discipline, the true meaning would be

 “to learn from our Higher Self.”

Too often we think of self-discipline as cracking the whip

to make ourselves toe the line.

How different the real meaning is.

~Joan Borysenko

 

 

This offers such an incredible shift of perspective. Self-discipline is often thought of in terms of work ethic, diet, athletic rigor, or breaking habits. There are times that I feel I need to have self-discipline in order to have Self-discipline! This concept allows for a greater depth of awareness and learning from within.

 

In my journey of Self discipleship, I have become very aware of my general habits of avoidance and resistance. If it doesn’t come through my conscious awareness, my body will have no issues letting me know. When my aches “flare up”, I know I am in need of quiet inner work…or increased stillness. I want to seek outward for answers so somebody else has to do the work to figure out what is going on. I want it to be easy. I want it to have a name, a solution and a resolution. Just like that. Done. But rarely, if ever, does it actually work that way.

 

There is a shifting current in my world right now and I’m excited about it…and nervous. I’m in the nervous (interpret that more accurately as scared…) phase right now and my body is keeping that in my awareness. Decisions have been made and the course of action has been implemented…and now the unfolding really begins…and along with it, the fear response. Change is such a mischievous thing. No dreams have ever been fulfilled by things remaining constant. Ever. Change is a key ingredient for dreams to come true. It’s just that change brings all sorts of vulnerability, surrender and facing the unknown. Nothing is familiar. Nothing offers a sense of stability. Ugh.

 

That’s where this concept of being a disciple of my Higher Self comes in. I don’t need self-discipline. I have plenty…maybe even bordering on a little rigid. However, the idea of Self-discipline…learning from my Higher Self…is really powerful. Taking the time to be in quiet stillness and being an active learner of the master teacher within is one area that would benefit from a shift of perception. I do a lot of processing and meditating when I am outside on my runs or when I’m doing yoga, but taking intentional time to be STILL is far less consistent. I find quiet when I journal, but I’m not STILL. I’m doing, not being. It may seem like a trivial difference, but it is different. While I journal, acknowledging and working with the thoughts or feelings coming up. In stillness, I am simply a witness to the thoughts and feelings. Big difference. My obvious comfort level is in the doing, not the being. I am disciplined in a regular journaling practice. I toe the line diligently and learn a lot about my patterns and beliefs. Stillness is different…

 

Stillness is not actively moving my body. Stillness is not paying attention to my thoughts. Stillness is simply that…still. I have noticed that my fear around stillness is about remembering what I learn. I do a meditation and in the moment, I am truly connected within and receiving guidance. After the chime goes off, “POOF”, it all goes away. Or so I think. I have been reminded that what has been learned remains in me and is readily available when it is time for me to remember. My little doer-self is not always satisfied with that thought. If something comes up during a meditation, I’m obviously supposed to remember it, right? Why else would it come up? A teacher doesn’t teach you something in class and trust that you’re going to just remember it when you need to know it. He or she has class discussion, some sort of written assignment and then tests you on the material. Why would it be any different if I’m learning from the teacher within? Why would I not have to recall it in order to use it and put it into practice? (Do you see the rigidity of the doer-self here? This is my spiritual hamster wheel.) Here’s the flip side that my ego would rather not acknowledge…students go to class five days a week. Five days…IN A ROW. There is consistency. There is a repeated intentional presence with the teacher. There is a daily reminder of the lessons to be learned in an active, repetitious manner. I would have to say that this may be the key for me.

 

The next piece for me to notice is my dedication, discipline if you will, to do some form of exercise six days a week. It could be running, yoga, walking, weights, step workouts, ab workouts or any combination of the above. EVERY MORNING. I set my alarm with enough time to leisurely eat breakfast, check email and read my morning devotionals, walk the dog, exercise (allowing one hour…sixty minutes!!!), shower and have a 30-minute cushion before my first client or appointment. Journaling is my evening activity to reflect on the day. Notice the consistency of STILLNESS is nowhere on that list. I “fit it in” if there is time. I hold the intention of doing it daily, but I don’t actively create the space for it. There are some weeks where I can be in stillness for three or four days, followed by weeks where I’m lucky if there is one. It is really interesting to notice the inconsistency in the midst of honoring the importance of it. If there is a master teacher within me, why in the world would I not want to spend time learning from her every day? Oh, the intriguing aspects I learn about myself and my resistance to the fullness of who I am.

 

On a very positive note, the awareness is the most critical part. I certainly am not able to change something I am unaware of. Ever the student of the master teacher…