Can You Hear Me Now?

Fear is always about what might happen,

not much about what’s happening right now.

When you’re present in the moment there may be discomfort,

even real pain or sadness,

but not a lot of fear.

 Fear is about your projections.

~Deep Spring Center Thought for Today

 

 

 

Open up your mind and senses to information as it is presented to you:

through your eyes, ears, physical sensations and detached thoughts.

Assess what is emanating from your body,

And then sort out any conditioned responses from what is purely instinctual.

Examine the situation with heart, intuition and mind in harmony.

Detach, take a breath, and stand tall in your stature.

~Steven D. Farmer

 

 

 

There is a big surge of shifting going on these days. Events continually unfold in ways that invite me to see things differently. There is a different awareness to my conditioned responses to things, as well as the conditioned response of others. As I continue to find my voice in my different interpersonal connections, I’m noticing interesting responses both within me and in them.

 

I shared time with a friend last week who took a business choice of mine quite personally. There is still plenty of anger and hurt there and her words, although subtle, carried quite a zing. No opportunity was missed to throw the barbs out. I was aware of this position prior to getting together and was able to ground myself. I also found myself standing up for myself in a non-confrontational manner. I found my voice to honor my choices and remind myself that I am in alignment in my heart for what is best for ME. I no longer need to make everyone else happy and comfortable. That’s not what I signed up for. I respect the response from my friend and trust that her process and path will take her where she is most ready to go…in her time. It was a gift for me to notice how I was able to be in the moment and be open to what was really taking place within her (to the degree in which her words and actions offered), within me and between the two of us. I was in balance and able to detach from taking anything personally.

 

I also opened up to a friend about some sadness that I was feeling and although it was received, it seemed (from my perspective) to shift things into an awkward space when we were actually together. I spent some time with the mirror concept, exploring if what I was feeling was actually my own previous distance between me and my talent. I was curious if I was projecting that sadness onto my friend, was attached to an expectation or was finally able to give words to what I deeply felt within. In the end, it seems as though it was somewhat of a combination of it all. I am experiencing a deeper connection with my Self and my talent and the awareness of that did offer the need to release some anger towards myself for being so hard on myself for not allowing my talent to live in the light it deserves. I can also admit the egoic attachment to an outcome and expectations I hold around the idea of support. I obviously have more work to do around this in general because I am sensing a tightening in my body and in my jaw. Quite interesting…anyway, the last element of the triad is also true. I miss an element of a connection with my friend that has shifted. I miss it a lot. I miss the quiet, gentle presence. There seems to be a little “something” that I haven’t quite named yet that lingers in our space. There’s no doubt that it has plenty to do with the work we are both doing and the transitional, transformational shift occurring. It is part of my own grief of clinging to what was and struggle to let go and allow the shift to fully take place. I know the result will be a deeper, stronger connection but I still need to honor the sadness.

 

Yet one more story about courageously speaking what is in my heart…with yet another response. Talk about a learning curve…OY! I was sitting with fear and frustration on a subject since early April, which was then compounded with a seemingly innocent gift. When I finally had the courage to talk about it, it was not received well…at all. The prominent energy in the response was fear. Deep fear. Fear that veered way into foul territory in relation to what I was talking about. The whole conversation shifted away from my intention and into an irrational reaction that continued to snowball…quickly. This challenged me greatly. I was angry that I was not heard. I was sad that there was an underlying interpretation to my words that didn’t even exist. I was angry that I was unable to receive the support I was seeking (oh….there it is again…support…). I ached in pain for the perception of our connection. I was angry that the shift around this has yet to take place. I cried. Hard. Then the gift came…the connection to my heart to know that I didn’t do anything wrong. I spoke what I needed to say. I honored me. With that gift, I was able to allow space and to step out of my own fear response…and the nasty self-judgment. I immersed myself in activities that nourished me.

 

It is quite apparent to me that I am working through honoring what is in my heart and giving voice to it. It is interesting to notice how unsettling it is to me to give voice to my heart. The most amazing thing…I haven’t died in the process! I have been afraid, I have cried, I have sweat through my shirts with overzealous nerves, I have experienced anger…and I am still living and breathing. Speaking from my heart to honor ME has nourished me and my growth process.