Signs

Impatience is a sign of hurrying,

hurrying is a sign of worrying,

worrying is a sign of fear,

and fear is a sign that someone has temporarily forgotten

that it’s never too late to change their thoughts and, therefore, their “things.”

Glad we could straighten that out,
The Universe

(a.k.a Mike Dooley)

 

 

There are days when I would greatly benefit from having someone to constantly whisper that in my ear…or maybe use a bull horn. As I spend time thinking about this, it is interesting to notice the many different areas where my impatience surfaces.

 

For example, I enjoy driving and am not a road-rage kind of driver. I do, however, get annoyed when people cut me off and then decide to drive slower than the speed limit. I also can get annoyed when the least efficient route (a.k.a the slowest route) is chosen. Maybe it’s a control thing…people getting “in my way” and providing an interruption that I don’t appreciate. Driving is very parallel to my personal/spiritual journey so it seems as though I have a “drive” for attaining my destination (whatever that may be) and want to have smooth sailing in the most efficient way. This all certainly resonates within, so I seem to have discovered my connection there. It’s time to shift the impatience and allow for the journey to unfold in Divine time…with divine intention.

 

I also experience the typical impatience when I’m tired. There’s no deep mystery to that one. It’s about being gentle with myself and allowing the fatigue to be what it is and allowing my body to have a day at a slower pace. It’s also a reminder that I need to listen to my body and be sure I am consistently giving us proper rest and nutrition. Patience around fatigue is the opportunity to lead with the heart instead of the ego push.

 

I have even noticed times of impatience when I’m walking my dog Wolfgang. I tend to be more impatient when Mike with us than when I’m walking Wolfgang by myself. I guess there is a sense of responsibility of not wanting to inconvenience Mike. There is so much about that that is oddly funny. First of all, it’s Mike’s choice to walk with us. He knows that the goal is exercise (and the necessary doggie stuff) for Wolfgang and that Wolfgang can be putzy, curious and sometimes obstinent on his walks. Wolfgang knows that it’s his time and he is most certainly going to make the most of it. The second aspect is that I have no control over Wolfgang’s choices of what to smell, where to pee and the rate that his body can comfortably move. It’s all rather interesting to bring into a different sense of awareness. Granted, there are times that I simply don’t want to be in the rain or the cold early in the morning or that I simply have a tighter time frame in the morning that necessitates a more intentional, focused walk. Regardless, it is an interesting awareness from a different perspective about my occasional impatience.

 

For the most part, I find my time at the piano to be very gratifying and fulfilling, even if I am drilling things or getting new music in my fingers. However, every once in a while I can get impatient. The fear behind this one is of self-judgment and attachment to an expectation. This, again, is the opportunity for me to slow down, be gentle and appreciate the process of learning and discovering all of the intricacies of the piece I’m working on. It’s the reminder that my ability to play is a Divinely given gift and my ability is uniquely mine, which is definitely something to embrace and nurture.

 

I actually had to laugh at an awareness I had last week. After I’m done doing a crystal layout or a meditation, I will journal about what I noticed or experienced. I found it interesting to note that when I come out of a meditation with a deep sense of knowing that I gained some valuable insight, I tend to be very impatient with the journaling and will skip through it as quickly as I can. I realized that there are times that I’m afraid of what I’m going to learn and discover! It struck me as silly because the very reason I do the meditations IS to gain insight. I long to know what I know, yet I worry about what I might discover. Talk about irony!

 

All of these ideas of gentleness, love, compassion, openness, vulnerability and courage come into play with my personal/spiritual growth as well. It’s very easy to get frustrated and impatient when I fall into an old trap, letting fear take the steering wheel. Those are the moments where taking a deep breath, accepting the many gifts and lessons I have learned and slowing down make a powerful difference. The journey of personal and spiritual growth is going to continue as long as I am taking in breath. It is a constant building of relationship, primarily with myself, honoring all that I am and all that I offer. There is no rating chart for my good enough-ness (or anybody else’s, for that matter). There is no check list claiming my worthiness. Everyone else is just as wrapped up in their story as I am in mine, so their seemingly hurtful words rarely, if ever, have anything to do with me. It is not a personal attack. It simply happened. The thing to notice is what fear triggered the heightened response. That’s where the golden nugget is, and as long as impatience is at bay, I’ll get that nugget.

 

The above quote is yet another reminder to pay attention. Remember that nothing is as it seems. The opportunity to learn about ourselves every single day is ever present. What a gift!