Honesty is more than not lying.
It is truth telling,
And truth loving.
~James E. Faust
Why is this such a difficult concept? Why do people everywhere struggle with this? Why do people choose to either lie or not even speak? What is the fear? What keeps people from being able to hear someone else’s truth? Why is honesty so painful to them?
Part of my personal growth work involves speaking my truth, living my truth and loving my truth. First and foremost…speaking my truth. The first place this needs to happen is within me. I need to honestly address what I need and hear the truth in the words WITHOUT worrying about how someone else will receive them. The person I most need to be honest with is me. When my truth no longer scares me, I’ll be able to speak it with more grace and ease. Yes, I said my truth scares me. I sometimes need things that are unconventional to the “norm”. I often have beliefs that go against the grain of what is comfortable for most people. I am typically at peace with all of these truths…until I come face to face with someone who doesn’t. Then I start questioning myself, my heart starts racing, I feel somewhat paralyzed, and I get stuck. They are words for goodness sake! They aren’t going to take someone’s life!
The reality comes in knowing that they are words that speak truth of what is in my heart. That’s why I guard them so dearly. It seems to me that if my words are rejected, then so am I.
I realize that I bite my tongue a lot. I want to keep peace. I learned that behavior when I was young. And it obviously is still a big part of my adult self at this point in time. I am continually seeking Divine assistance to move beyond and to find the strength and courage to be truth speaking. It takes a lot of gentleness and love. And sometimes the fear overwhelms me and I get stuck in my head. I play out conversations in my head millions of times and in every possible way, analyzing how it could be perceived, how it could be turned around on me…how it could be rejected. This is still a very raw topic for me. My body is responding in its fear space. I keep breathing and keep typing. I have to build the strength muscle!
There is a current situation in my life that is bringing this very vividly into play, thus the intense response I’m experiencing. It feels all the more important to address it as I am able, to see the pattern, name the fear and give myself the reassurance that I can move beyond it…and love myself even more in light of it. I’m tired of not being heard. I’m tired of my “invitation” to connect being rejected and not received, not responded to. I deserve to be heard. I choose to speak my truth. I choose to love my truth. I choose to live my truth. If that makes anyone else uncomfortable, that is not my work…it is theirs. I choose to be free of the responsibility of the suffering of others.
I choose to honor my truth and create my life around my truth.