It's always fascinating where a day will guide you. When I got into my day, I was feeling a sense of disconnect and disengagement. Apparently it was strong enough to deter all future ability of my laptop to engage with the Wi-Fi and function at any useful capacity.
I was aware that my laptop was finding its way out of commission. Saturday reinforced that by the lack of a screen (maybe dealing with not wanting to be seen?!?!). That was the real nudge that got me to go shopping for a new laptop.
Understand that I'm techno-savvy enough...I know enough to get me through and be curious enough to risk pushing buttons and figuring things out...but understanding what I need to look for in a new laptop. Ugh. That's a different story.
Skip ahead a few days and I'm ready to get my PC. I walk into the store and both clerks are busy. I roam over to the tech area and there is nobody to be found. I patiently wait for an available clerk and ask to pick up my PC. She tells me that Joe is on his lunch break for another 15 minutes. So I asked if she could help me. She told me I needed to wait because she couldn't. I was beyond dumbfounded. In a state of disbelief, I asked if there was anybody there who could. She didn't try to connect with Joe or anything else. Her only solution was for me to wait. Feeling extremely disregarded and dis respected, I asked the other clerk if she could help me (after she was done with her customers). She walked back to the tech area, asked if my name was Ann, unplugged my PC (because Joe was going to show me something when I got there) and asked if I had a case for it. I told her that I just purchased it on Saturday and it hasn't even come home yet. So she literally hands me my PC and the cord and says I'm all set. I asked if I needed the box or any other paperwork and she said Joe would call me if there was something I needed or I could call him. She didn't even boot up the PC to make sure it was mine. Again...dumbfounded. I apologized for being a pain in the a** because my irritability was palpable. She dismissed the apology and said it's no big deal.
I left the store in a complete daze, wondering what in the world just happened. I found myself triggered by the dismissal of me...twice...and ranted about it on the way home.
This whole experience invited me to be curious as to why I was so irritated. The concept of being dismissed and disrespected emerged from the musing. My general default is courtesy with sales people so my impatience also took me for a ride. There wasn't even a sense of wanting to tend to my needs in that moment. Her solution was to wait for someone else. She took no responsibility to help come up with a solution.
Then I took a step back and wondered how often I do that with my own needs. How often do I want someone else to take care of me with a sense of priority? I even reflected on my journaled prayer this morning and remembered what I was asking for...to feel held and safe...to be guided and supported...and my answer and message came as a reminder from the sales clerk. I have to ask for what I need, stand up for myself, treat myself with the respect I deserve (and humbly ask forgiveness...) and reignite my sense of 'enough' within.
I am so glad that I tended to that on my way home because the install of apps, transferring of files, and all of the extra stuff that goes along with a new PC would've been very frustrating had I not. Although I'm not done with the process, I feel confident that my curiosity of how things will work will guide everything else. I didn't let fear get in my way. I jumped in with the knowledge that I have the ability to tend to my needs and the courage to ask for help when needed.
I know my prayers were answered this morning. I was stubborn in the listening, but I got the message just the same! The theme of acknowledging my value without outside approval is really being sent home.
As always...a work in progress...