Committed

Entering into a committed relationship is in fact

a spiritual journey that we undertake with another person.

By being able to love and care for someone else with an open heart,

we will find that we can reach a greater level of personal transformation,

 evolving along our path and learning powerful lessons about ourselves that

we might not otherwise be able to do on our own.

~Madisyn Taylor

 

 

I feel like I could leave the blog at that for this week. It is certainly powerful enough to stir up plenty of reflection all on its own. It speaks volumes to me as I continue to delve into my personal healing.

 

It’s so easy to fall into a complacent space of thinking of a relationship in terms of companionship. And although that’s true, it is so much more than that. Taking the time to understand why a certain reaction was triggered is a big transformational opportunity for both people involved. Committed relationships also fall into the trap of being over-romanticized on TV, in movies and in books. We’re surrounded by this ideal of what it should look like to be in a relationship when, in reality, it goes so much deeper than that. And rarely does it look like it does on TV…

 

There are so many elements of myself that I can easily throw into a space of scrutiny in my relationship: am I funny enough, smart enough, interesting enough, open enough, sensitive enough, compassionate enough, worthy of receiving, etc. The list goes on and on. When both people in the relationship embrace the concept of the togetherness as a spiritual journey, the impact of the questions above is drastically reduced if almost non-existent. There is a different sense of openness, compassion, gentleness, teamwork and “us” as a unit when both are willing to step into the vulnerability of growing together.

 

A key understanding for the spiritual journey is what each person brings into the relationship. My past certainly shapes me, be it my upbringing or past relationships. Because my past is uniquely mine, different things will trigger me than someone else and vice versa. It is so important to remember that piece when I find myself frustrated, hurt or annoyed with a response. I need to understand if my reaction is because of a past trigger or true to what is unfolding. My general tendency is to take on full responsibility because it is “easier” than potentially setting of a hand grenade. This doesn’t serve anybody well. It’s unhealthy for me to own all aspects of the situation. Yes, I have my role, but the situation didn’t unfold with me by myself. When I assume full responsibility, it takes away the potential for growth and transformation for BOTH of us.

 

I am deeply in the throes of releasing so much old stuff that I have allowed to hurt me and never had the courage to say anything about. I continually judged my reaction and passed it off as being too sensitive and coping with low self-esteem. I witness and experience responses to me that simply don’t make sense and are sometimes really insensitive. I always struggled with what was ‘normal’ for the other versus how they, too, can grow and change to be a more connected, ‘tuned in’ partner. There are barriers that I put up (and all of us do) to attempt to keep me from getting hurt or having my heart broken. In reality, it keeps everyone else at a distance, defeating the spiritual journey of the committed relationship.

 

Emotionally disconnecting doesn’t keep anyone protected from getting hurt. All is does is hurt. It hurts the one who is doing the disconnecting because it leaves them feeling alone and essentially unloved. It also hurts the partner because they, in turn, feel unimportant and irrelevant. I have a difficult time believing that being emotionally disconnected is enjoyable. Easy…sure. Fulfilling and enriching…no way. Why would you not want to have an emotional connection with someone you are committed to? Why would you want to miss out on the richness and depth of your partner? Why would you be in a relationship if you didn’t want to have someone to share the ups and downs of life with? What joy is there when everything is merely on the surface? Why not allow for the vulnerable messiness of sharing in the joy as well as the heartache with the one you love? Life is so much richer when the depth of the experience is truly shared.

 

I’m continually exploring the courage to reveal and unearth more of what I have been holding in and taking responsibility for. I am seeking guidance for clarity to discern what is mine, what simply needs to be accepted and allowed and what needs to be offered for growth as a unit. Even if it is mine to be handled, I know that the growth that comes from it will be beneficial for others aside of myself. I also know that these lessons and opportunities for transformation and healing would not have happened if I did not commit to being in a relationship. I am blessed with the bumps and detours that have come along this spiritual journey. I am grateful beyond measure for my companion on the journey.