Mind Games
Mind games.
Mental manipulation.
We've all done some form of it at some point in time whether or not we realize it. Bid for connection vs. manipulation? The difference lies in the intention behind the comment.
What are you hoping to accomplish when you engage with another person? The majority of the time it is purely for conversation and engaging with another.
The slippery slope happens when there is an ulterior motive behind it all; it can be the engagement or the intentional dis-engagement.
When there is a need for love, acceptance, affirmation or other self-care aspects, we need to learn to offer it to ourselves instead of attempting to manipulate it out of another person. The entanglement is messy, painful, and full of fear.
When there is an expectation attached to what you hope to gain from connecting with another, it is time for a little self-love and honesty as to what else is going on.
For example, if you choose not to tell somebody something in the hopes that they will just ask, that's setting yourself up for feelings of pain and rejection. Everybody is focused on their own lives and doing the best they can to remember the important stuff in the lives of others but humanness happens. People forget. It's not that you're unimportant. Be willing to share from a desire to share instead of seeking an affirmation of worth.
Maybe your go-to is to give limited answers or information to continually drag them along and ask more questions...to prove to you that they care. This is another unhealthy approach to engaging with another. What dialogue happens in your head if they don't respond the way you wanted them to? Do you 'punish' them by not sharing anything else?
The person who tends to get punished in either of these situations is you. When there is an expectation attached to engaging with another, fear is in the driver's seat.
There is another perspective involved here, too. Sometimes the sharing is wrapped in a desire to make someone else tend to the emotional element so you don't have to. This approach is often done with little to no conscious awareness. It stems from an inability to feel your own emotions and throw it at another. There may be an awareness afterward but rarely is it a conscious choice.
I can admit to creating each of those scenarios. It's part of navigating this journey of life. This isn't about shaming or blaming. It's accepting humanness...emotions...needs...and knowing that they are real parts of the human experience.
Ultimately, my musings are about waking up to what you need instead of manipulating another to take care of you or your needs for you.
Everybody benefits when there is a conscious, healthy awareness of personal needs and feelings.
