Control

There is this false sense that we can control anything that happens around us, especially the actions, behaviors and responses of others. It's as if we build an imaginary shield to protect ourselves. If we can control how others respond, we will be safe...but no such luck.

Security is found in trusting that who we are in any given moment is enough. We have to love ourselves MORE than what we hope to get from any other person. We are unable to control any other person's anything, much less their response to us.

There are many plates in motion in my world right now, all of which I am happy to keep spinning. An interesting element in all of it is how I am responding to the people involved in the various venues. There is one situation where I find myself withholding information as a way to protect the other. There is yet another where I find myself getting frustrated because I'm convinced that I'm not being heard. And still another situation where I'm noticing a fear of judgment for my preparation.

With all of that being said, when I notice those feelings coming up, I take a breath and dive in. I know that each person is going to respond to me in whatever capacity they are able to in that moment. Their reaction has no real bearing on me as an individual. There is nothing I can say or do that will make their response be different than what it is.

The important piece for me is to be sure that all I say and do comes from a place of integrity. If I am aligned with what I shared, I can be at peace.

I will admit to the difficulty of following through with this when there is a heightened, "big" response to what I say. The physical reaction to that is familiar...quickening of the heart, uneasy stomach and a sense of mental paralysis where all thought functions freeze. I can get lost in the reaction and reel back in shame for "making" the other person so triggered.

Here's where the beauty of awareness prevails. I have learned how to step back and look at the situation as an observer rather than a participant, which helps me gain perspective on the other person involved. This helps build a foundation of understanding in connection to future communications, which has softened my physical response, allowing me to speak instead of staying silent. No, this isn't about being 'triggered' in response, but about commenting on the behavior rather than the content of what is being said. It has made such a difference for me.

None of the experiences mentioned above carry that same physical response, simply the mental replay...which can be more than enough!

I also tend to shift toward the concept of having a CHOICE as to how I respond, rather than control. For me, 'control' carries an energy that feels more domineering rather than empowering.

It's also a reminder for me to stay connected to the "why" of all that I do. When I am fed by the "why", I stay connected to my heart and am nourished from within.