Finding balance can sometimes feel very elusive. There are days when being in the flow of things is as effortless as blinking. And then there are the other days…
On those “other” days, I struggle with allowing myself to freely speak what is on my mind or my heart. I get tangled up in how-or if-it will be heard and received, resulting in the vulnerability hiding under the surface. When I choose not to speak what is on my mind, I end up feeling disconnected and alone. What’s even more of a challenge for me is when I do offer what I’m holding and it is not received. I long for the consistent courage to sing my song, regardless of how it is received. I need to remember that I need to sing it for me, not for anybody else. I need to offer my truth because it is important to be shared.
Those “other” days also need to be guided by what feels right or in alignment with me. When I’m not feeling as balanced, I allow others to set my rhythm, usually leading me to feeling even more off-kilter than where I started. It’s often in those moments where the love nudges to do what I want or need to do become more persistent…yet I can still manage to resist them. Then there’s the guilt battle…do what is best for me or do what is best for someone else.
It’s important to ask the questions only I know how to ask…of myself. There is a curiosity as to how life unfolds and the emotional connection with the process. I tend to muse over these things mostly on my own and usually in my journal…or in my blogs. I am intrigued by choices we all make and how all of the pieces fit together. I find it very fascinating and love the moments of discovery. I love incorporating information and bearing witness to the effect. This very curiosity feeds my piano practicing, too. There is always so much juicy stuff to discover…no matter what we are doing.
Balance, to me, is being in alignment with my heart. My heart doesn’t get “to do”, it gets to inform. My heart doesn’t get to be heard by others so I need to be her voice. My heart doesn’t get to act on her impulses; she needs me to do that. My heart doesn’t get to ask the questions. I need to do that in order to learn what my heart holds. My heart doesn’t hold fear. My mind creates that, often distancing me from my heart.
When in doubt, breathe and listen to your heart. It works every time.