Lost and Found

 

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.”

~Henry David Thoreau

 

 

Lost. That seems to be the most fitting word to describe where I am right now. I could go into the energy of the solar storms and the big energy of the nearing full moon to explain why I’m feeling so disoriented these days, but I’d rather explore what is manifesting in my personal life and how to use it or work with it.

 

Things just seem ‘different’ in my world. I have been seeking solitude and isolation. Everything seems so ‘noisy’ to me. I guess it is representative of what I’m feeling within. There’s not a lot of conscious noise within, but obviously enough to keep me from feeling as connected as I would like to be. I’m feeling distracted, yet I’m not sure where my attention is going. I’m feeling somewhat overwhelmed, though I have time and ability to tend to all that is on my plate. A big key is that I have noticed my resistance to journaling. I can always tell when there is a transition going on because I avoid what I know is most helpful. The interesting element is that I am very aware of that habit and can name it but I’m not necessarily quick to do anything different.

 

This is a very uncomfortable space to be in. I find it to be challenging to patient and present with anyone or anything outside of work. I want the day to be over but the night time is filled with tons of dreams and I wake not feeling totally rested. It’s like I don’t have a safe haven. I know this isn’t true, but this space is dominated by ego/monkey mind to keep me from immersing in my growth.

 

It’s important for me to understand all of this because it reminds me of the bigger picture taking place. The fatigue is part of my body releasing and shifting. It is a gift, not a curse. My body has been holding all sorts of “stuff” for far too long and the release tends to yield exhaustion. The body is capable of many amazing things. I often forget this and get annoyed or impatient with the aches and fatigue. This is my body telling me to slow down, be gentle and not push so much.

 

These times of feeling lost really do reveal more aspects of myself, even if there is resistance to stepping into all of it. My resistance eventually breaks down and all that is meant to take place does so with greater ease and efficiency. This is a time of surrender and allowing, the two things that are always works in progress for me.

 

For as uncomfortable as I feel in this moment, I know that the gift received will be far greater. Patience. Love. Surrender. Allowing. Trusting. It’s time to hibernate and get lost within so I can explore with curiosity and love.